“You can’t go back to how things were. What you said has been said and what you’ve done will never come back to you at all. By now all you can do is make peace with what you’ve lost, learn to accept yourself for who you are no matter what has happened, no matter how many world’s you’ve destroyed or how many times you’ve had to put up with yourself for the mistakes you’ve done. You’re a better person now and the idea of tomorrow can be a beautiful thing, if only you let the things that bring you disappointment pass you by, you must know that all that hurts is meant to teach you more and believe that loss is the greatest teacher of them all. ” r.m. drake
I know I haven’t posted in a little while, I’ve been going through some things and I needed to get away. I needed to find myself you could say. In my last post I talked about moving to New York, that plan has been halted. I have decided to go another route, I will be putting my stuff in storage here in Montana come January and then heading off to Zambia for a few months. I will be working with the Zambian Carnivore Program. The thought of going away for that long terrifies me but it’s also exhilarating. I haven’t felt like this in a while. I am finally content in my life choices — all things that have led me to this point.
I started this post off with one of my favorite quotes by r.m. drake because I have found it so fitting lately. The promise of tomorrow, the promise that the sun will rise in the morning is so beautiful. It has helped give me hope when things get rough. Until my decision to go to Africa came about, I have been feeling so torn. I didn’t know what I wanted or who I even was. I’m in my 20’s and I had no idea who I was anymore. I was spiraling out of control again and there was no sign of it stopping anytime soon. Somehow one day, mid spiral, I came to a screeching halt. It was as if everything in my life stopped moving for just a split second and I was able to breathe. I took that moment and reflected on so many things. That’s when this quote showed up and it was so fitting. I had lost myself and I was hurting but all of that has been one of the best learning lessons I could have asked for — no matter how much it hurt in the moment. I am a better person now than I was 6 months ago, I am a better friend, and I am a happier person.
Geez, sorry this post is semi jumbled. My train of thought is all over the place. I hope it makes sense and maybe resonates with you. Who knows. Anyway, feel free to comment if you’d like or don’t haha.
— The Lost Millennial